


Backstage Revelations

by intoapuddle



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-27
Updated: 2013-06-27
Packaged: 2017-12-16 08:34:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/860112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intoapuddle/pseuds/intoapuddle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt fill for tumblr.</p>
<p>Darren is putting on a concert in France that Chris wasn't able to make it to. He's reasonably upset, but then he spots a familiar face in the side wing.</p>
<p>PG-13: Angst with a happy ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Backstage Revelations

Noises roared in Darren's ears. Noises, consisting of a heavy bass line mixed with the shrieks and shouts from an audience that, tonight, felt strange and intimidating. The stage lights felt brighter tonight, like they were hurting his eyes. Darren was scared of how little he could see. He couldn't make out the faces of people in the crowd, only the flashes from cameras coming from every other direction. Darren was sweating immensely, his heart was beating hard inside his chest. He was having trouble breathing and staying on key as he sang. Most of his concerts were like three work out sessions in one, but tonight the strain hadn't to do with the physical aspect of it.

He'd felt off for the entire day. He had gone into this concert with the knowledge that this was one he'd have to endure, not enjoy. It wasn't fair to his audience. It wasn't fair to his band. But Darren had been over the moon for over a week with the knowledge that Chris was finally going to attend one of his shows, just to wake up to a text with a fleeting explanation about him not being able to make it.

It didn't make sense. Then again, not much between them had been very clear to begin with. Darren had, as usual, fallen headfirst for Chris the moment Chris showed any interest in him. It wasn't the attention that made Darren yearn so much for Chris, though. He got attention from a lot of people. It was just the  _kind_  of attention Chris always seemed to be brimming with to overflow on Darren. He'd touch him like he mattered, he'd kiss him like it was their last time, he'd breathe moans and reassurances into Darren's skin as he pushed inside of him. And Darren took, took so much and tried his best to match how amazing he thought Chris was.

And then they had to go their separate ways for the summer, when Glee wrapped up. Chris with promoting his books and movie abroad. Darren with his sold out national tour. They had prepared for that, but Chris had started to become distant even before they'd had to part. Darren always had a nagging fear in the back of his mind that Chris would fall out of whatever it was that made him keep close to Darren. When that fear was starting to seem like it was becoming realized, he immediately backed off. He didn't want to do anything to convince Chris that he was no good, and Darren only knew how to do that by not doing anything at all. He'd respond when Chris initiated contact. He'd become exhilarated with joy when Chris actually came to his house to spend time with him. But those times had become fewer and farther apart very abruptly a couple months before they went their separate ways. Chris stopped looking at Darren with the same interest he once used to.

So when Darren had asked whether Chris was going to one of his shows, he knew it was out there. It wasn't just because of their personal relationship, but also because Chris was a public person and going places was always pretty complicated for him. Those two things combined made it an even bigger risk, but Darren had had to ask. He wanted Chris there. It was kind of like a test on their relationship as well, to see how much Darren meant to Chris outside of sex. Part of Darren never wanted to put Chris on that test, because he knew there was a risk of his feelings getting hurt, but he had to. If only to get to see him at least once these two hectic months they had ahead of themselves.

Needless to say, Darren had wanted to jump around with excitement when Chris said he'd be able to make it to the one concert Darren would put on in France. That excitement, that had been substantial for days and made every passing hour feel bright and care-free, had crashed and burned just hours before Darren went on stage this night.

Darren put a steadying hand on top of the microphone stand as he bent his neck, looking down on the floor. He could feel the sweat running in streams down his hot face. Darren was losing track of what the salty water running down his face really was now, though. It could've just as easily been tears going unrealized out of his eyes.

The intro to Words came subtle and soft like it always did through the amplifier and Darren began singing without looking up. It wasn't like him, but as of now he didn't even have it in him to think about it himself. He was going to get through this concert with some sort of dignity, even if the small talks between songs were fewer and his charisma wasn't quite there. If it took him a few moments to collect himself to achieve at least that amount of presence, then so be it. He couldn't afford to feel sorry about it in the heat of the moment.

Just when the song picked up to the chorus, Darren looked up again and slipped into his own body. Dancing around, twisting his torso, turning his head and looking out at the audience. They seemed to be having a fairly good time, but Darren couldn't feed off their energy like he did at other concerts. He felt disconnected, like he was just a spectator with the viewpoint of a performer that did everything according to script.

That was, until Darren looked up at where a camera suddenly flashed in one of the side wings and revealed a familiar, pale, smiling face. Darren blinked, coming off beat and struggling to remember the words to his song. He couldn't be hallucinating, could he? The moment had been so brief and out of context that he might as well be, but it didn't feel like it. He stared up, singing half-heartedly as he tried to make sense of the situation. It couldn't be Chris. Chris had told him that he had to leave for England straight away, and that there was no way out of it.

Darren spent the rest of the concert trying to fight the hope that was threatening to thrum through his body and think up scenarios of Chris's supposed attendance. He couldn't make out Chris's face at all for the rest of the show. The crowd was just too dark, with all the stage lights directed at Darren and cameras flashing.

When the show was nearing its end Darren wasn't even sure he wanted Chris to be there. He felt like used up toy that Chris only came back to when all else failed, and that wasn't a good feeling. That was the main part in why Darren had felt so betrayed when Chris cancelled on him. It was as though his feelings didn't matter to Chris, which wasn't fair because Chris's feelings mattered so much to Darren. Darren fought those thoughts all the time, because he was set on thinking that Chris was good for him. He wanted him to be good for him. But at times like this, it just proved him wrong. If he saw Chris right now he'd forget about the hurt that he knew would come back. The hurt that always came back, when Chris pulled something like this that kept Darren hoping. But when it all came down to it, Chris only had time for Darren when it suited him. Darren's time schedule or emotions had no say in the matter.

When Darren got off stage his bandmates offered some smiles and pats on the back, and Darren smiled and nodded at them the best he could manage. They were getting half an hour to meet fans or rest before they had to go get their equipment off the stage. Darren had people do that for him nowadays, but he always helped. And he always went outside to say hello to the fans.

But tonight he just walked inside his private room backstage, closed the door, and sat down on the floor with his back to the wall, face in his hands as he breathed.

“Rough night?”

Darren jumped, startled, and looked up. Chris was sitting on the chair with his back to the large mirror, looking down at Darren. He looked stunning tonight, with a blue jeans shirt and a scarf around his neck. Head tilted, eyes warm like there was nothing in him that could ever be used to hurt Darren.

Darren didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to feel.

Chris stood up from the chair and squatted in front of Darren. He steadied himself by putting his hands on Darren's folded knees. They were close. Chris smelled good, fresh, familiar. Darren was wet from sweat and had a pressing urge somewhere inside to not go along with anything Chris said or did in this moment.

“You were amazing tonight,” Chris said lowly, staring at Darren with a steady, unwavering gaze.

Darren looked right back.

“Thank you,” he said, but he didn't feel thankful.

He felt less than he had this entire day. He felt less than he had ever since before he first fell for Chris. It was a strange, detached feeling.

Chris looked down now, obviously sensing Darren's mood. He stroke up and down his thighs absentmindedly.

“What's the matter?” Chris asked, sounding less sure of himself.

“Yeah, I don't know,” Darren shrugged, looking away. “I don't know, Chris.”

Chris looked up at him, but Darren refused to meet his gaze.

“I postponed my plans to be able to come tonight,” Chris said. “I really had to push my schedule to make it work. Why are you so... Did you not want me to come?”

He was getting annoyed, Darren could tell, and that made a bundle of emotions strain and fight inside of him. One on hand, he just wanted to please Chris and tell him he was happy to have him there. Actually, most of Darren yearned for it and the more he thought about it, the more he started to feel again. But he had to stand his ground. If he wanted to matter, and have a say, he had to tell Chris that. He felt bad, he felt guilty, but he had to.

Which was why Darren's sudden outburst wasn't so sudden, not really. Not when one knew what was going on inside his head.

But Chris, apparently, had no fucking clue.

“Stop.”

The word was venom, spit out of Darren's mouth as he moved to stand.

Chris almost fell over from the force of it, but collected himself and got to his feet as well. Chris took a step back, but his inquisitive eyes burned into Darren's skull.

“Just stop,” Darren said again, his chest contracting, stomach starting to hurt. His body was trying to physically stop him from defying Chris, but there was no way in hell he could put up with this anymore. “You know-”

“What?” Chris asked, and his voice came out so loud and angry that Darren had to stare dumbly for a second.

“You know what is going on here,” Darren said. “You know that every fucking time you see me, hell, every time you  _interact_ with me in any way it's just an opportunity for you to show that you have control over me.”

Silence.

“Just admit it,” Darren went on, spurred on by Chris neither confirming nor denying his accusation. “You fucking love it.”

Chris blinked. Darren was breathing hard. And then Chris's expression just  _changed,_ to downright hurt covering his features. It made Darren's eyes fill with tears, and he scrunched his face in order for them from coming out. Chris was blinking rapidly, obviously fighting something internal as well.

“You're wrong,” Chris said eventually, voice strained.

Darren cried out pathetically. He couldn't keep it in anymore, and he fucking hated himself for being so weak. Chris stayed where he was as Darren swallowed and swallowed to keep the lump in his throat down.

“That's what I want to believe,” Darren shuddered out. “That's--- That's how I want to see it. But it isn't like that, is it?”

“I didn't come tonight to try and _control_ you,” Chris said, and now he moved closer.

Darren almost backed away. He should back away. But he didn't.

“Then why did you?” Darren asked.

“Because I wanted to see your show,” Chris said. “I wanted to see  _you._ Damn it, Darren. You make it sound like you think I find doing anything for you is some fucking chore. I don't think that, okay?”

Chris's voice pitched higher in the end, and he swallowed audibly. Fuck. Darren couldn't stand making Chris feel like that.

“You don't?” Darren whispered, silently hating himself for hoping.

Chris just shook his head, the corners of his mouth pulling downwards, and Darren sniffed.

It felt strange, standing this close to Chris without touching him. Staring into eyes that were swimming with tears, every tiny muscle in his face fighting the urge to sob. Darren matched his expression. He felt bad. He felt bad for being angry. Maybe Chris hadn't meant to play with his emotions. Maybe none of what had happened today had been done with bad intent. But it still didn't change the unevenness of their relationship, with Darren already so far gone and Chris stopping everything as soon as things seemed to be going somewhere.

“You know how this makes me feel, right?” Darren asked. “Like... I want to believe you, but then you always go and ignore me, to just come back and, like... Do me, and then it starts all over again. All of that was enough for a while, but...”

Darren took a deep breath.

“I need more now, Chris.”

Chris took Darren's hand then, and Darren squeezed back immediately.

“I know,” Chris said.

Darren closed his eyes.

“That's all you've got?” he asked bitterly.

“No,” Chris breathed out.

Before he opened his eyes back up, Chris's mouth was on his. Darren kissed back, hands moving to grab Chris's hips and keeping him there. He could say whatever he wanted, think whatever he wanted, reason as much as he wanted, but this was what it came down to. Chris, and his way of putting his mouth somewhere on Darren's body sufficing to make him forget everything else.

“I'm going to give you more,” Chris murmured heatedly as they parted.

Darren chased Chris's mouth hungrily, locking them yet again and squeezing his hands around Chris possessively. Every last word coming from Chris's mouth now felt like an unbreakable vow. Darren just believed it.

Chris pushed Darren onto the wall, a hand mussed up in his hair and the other on the wall as their mouths worked together. Darren could feel himself becoming more and more turned on, how each kiss became wetter and sloppier as they anticipated what was to come. Darren whined low in his throat when Chris took so much time to move it further, but then Chris pulled away. The hand in Darren's hair moved to lock his jaw. Darren's looked back at Chris and Chris's eyes were warm again.

“But this isn't what you need,” Chris murmured. “Not... this.”

Chris gestured between their bodies. Darren stared.

“No,” Chris said urgently when he noticed Darren's heart breaking again. “I mean... Not the physical part. Not just the physical part.”

“So...,” Darren said, slowly coming back from his initial state of panic.

“I love you,” Chris whispered.

The hairs on Darren's arms stood up.

“We have one night left in Paris,” Chris went on. “Let's use it to our advantage.”

“How?” Darren asked.

“Let me take you out on a real date,” Chris said.

Darren, in spite of everything, grinned. Chris smiled back carefully.

“First date in Paris,” he said. “I could do worse.”

Chris matched Darren's grin and leaned forward. Darren met him halfway in a kiss that felt better than all the other ones tonight had, because this one he didn't feel anywhere else than in the very center of his heart.

\- The End.


End file.
